What's Your Holiday Civility
Quotient (C.Q.)?

About The Author

Dr. P. M. Forni, a professor in the Department of Romance Languages and Literatures at Johns Hopkins University, co-founded the Johns Hopkins Civility Project in 1997.

An aggregation of academic and community outreach activities, the JHCP aimed at assessing the significance of civility, manners and politeness in contemporary society. The JHCP has been reconstituted as The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins, which Dr. Forni now directs. This website is designed to introduce Dr. Forni's work on civility and to offer links to related material.

For more information on Dr. Forni's Civility Initiative, videos and book, Choosing Civility: The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct, write to him at:

forni@jhu.edu

or visit Dr. Forni's website at:

www.jhu.edu/civility/

Return To Index

     "It is never too early to start thinking whether our social skills are sharp and ready for the season," says P.M. Forni, co-founder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project and the author of  Choosing Civility: The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct, a St. Martin's Griffin paperback published in October 2003. "It will be largely up to our manners making our holidays more joyful than stressful for ourselves and others."

     To help people get through the holidays with grace and good cheer, Forni presents the following list of gentle reminders for making the most out of seasonal socializing.

     As an Invited Dinner Guest:

• Always RSVP. And if you accept, show up.
• Arrive on time. Call if you are late, but remember that calling does not make you punctual. You are still late and inconveniencing others.
• Do not show up with a surprise guest.
• Bring with you a giving attitude. Your good cheer will contribute to the festive occasion.
• Make sure that your cellular telephone won't ring at the dinner table.

    At an Office Party:

• Drink in moderation
• Gossip and holiday cheer don't mix.
• A good conversationalist is a good listener. When you listen, you show poise and make friends.
• As you speak with many colleagues, seek out those you seldom see and those who seem left at the margins of the fun.
• Do not say or do anything that is going to be embarrassing in retrospect. You will have to face your colleagues every day back at work.

    As a Houseguest:

• Bring an appropriate gift, neither insignificant nor too valuable.
• Offer to help with chores (doing the dishes, shopping for groceries).
• Be as autonomous as possible. Your hosts are not your chauffeurs.
• Keep your room and bathroom tidy.
• Make sure that your children are not noisy and disruptive.

    When you are the Host:

• Plan wisely. Too many houseguests will increase your stress and fatigue, preventing you from offering them your best hospitality.
• Ask in advance about your guests' dietary restrictions.
• Do not overschedule your guests' days.
• Do not be afraid to claim time for yourself and your commitments.
• When it comes to holiday gifts for your guests, make sure that no one is forgotten - not even your friend's new boyfriend who was a late addition to your guest list.

    At a Family Gathering:

• Do not boast of your financial worth; do not bemoan your financial woes.
• Do not extol endlessly your children's talents and accomplishments; do not carp on their shortcomings.
• Do not shift the burden of your insecurity onto others in the form of hostility.
• Do not badmouth family members who are not present.
• Do not embarrass family members who are.

Source: Newswise and John Hopkins University

Ed. Note: As you might expect, Dr. Forni, a professor of Italian literature at The Johns Hopkins University, is charming and wonderful to talk with, and he can address a broad range of issues connected to civility for any story on the subject. See sidebar for more information about the author.